Can't run away

Yesterday my sister and I went out with Jerk and Mr. Nice (I wrote something about it before). Jerk and I wanted to get the other two together, give them an excuse to see each other, so they can hook up. Everybody knows that my sister has a crush on him, even he knows it. So I ended up with my ex trying to help Mr. Nice to make a move on Marija. It was really weird. Jerk has been in a happy relationship 6 months so far and they're making plans to go on vacation together. And I have a bogus boyfriend for a couple of weeks now. (I hooked up with an amazing guy and he wanted to be with me, but I'm the one that's always texting him and calling him and he never mentions that he wants to see me but sends me hugs and kisses, and now he is visiting his parents in another town so I'm not entirely sure whether I have a boyfriend or not, but if I run into someone better I'm going for it.)

Anyways, I started remembering why liked Jerk in the first place and why I ended up with him. I had to focus really hard so I wouldn't say or do something wrong. I realized I miss being with him. I just wanted for him to say: "You know what? Screw my girlfriend, let's try again." I knew this was never gonna happen. Not when he's committed. I also know that getting back together with him is completely wrong and not good for me at all. I'm hoping I'll find somebody to want and love soon. I can't keep doing this much longer. I had to agree to go watch an old french movie with him, Breathless I think it's called. Just the two of us. That's gonna be interesting. I never went to the movies with a guy before, not even with a guy friend, let alone on a date.  It's gonna hurt like hell, being with him alone like that. However I can pull it off, I'm strong enough. I have to be.